A season to give, receive — and talk inheritance

Our parents give us so much. They give us love and support, a phrase not less true for being cliché. But it’s much more than that.

It starts with the essentials — the basic building blocks of life, in fact — of DNA makeup, one-half from mom and one-half from dad, and of food and shelter. They give us a home, an education, advice (whether we want it or not!), and still the parental gifts continue.

Behaviorally, they give us personality traits — either learned or genetically inherited — and they help shape our social conditioning, moral codes and even metaphysical beliefs. From genome to God — that’s the possible gamut of what you’ve received from your parents.

How strange, then, that it’s so taboo for parents to talk to their children about what they might materially give them one day: potentially an inheritance. As families flock together from all corners of the country this holiday season, you might want to consider having a conservation with your parents about what they plan to do with their assets.

An open dialogue about assets, wishes

Many of you might be thinking, is she crazy? I’m not asking my parents if they’re leaving me anything. And you’re absolutely right. I’m not suggesting that you outright ask your parents, “How much money am I getting?” However, it’s important that you have an open dialogue with your family about your parents’ wishes and how they might possibly impact you. According to global investment management firm Federated Investors, millennials stand to inherit $30 trillion dollars. That kind of money doesn’t just change lives, it could change the course of history. Talking about inheritance now could save you and your parents a bundle of frustration, uncertainty, surprises and wasted time one day.

Yes, it’s an awkward subject

First, let’s look at the reasons, all very reasonable, why parents don’t talk about inheritance:

• They don’t want to confront the fact that they will die one day.
• Money is generally an uncomfortable topic.
• They don’t think their children are financially savvy enough to handle the news responsibly — and they also don’t want their children to squander what they’ve worked so hard for.
• They don’t want the knowledge of significant financial assets to adversely affect their children’s work ethic and motivation.
• Finally, they don’t want to cause strife between siblings.

Approach it seriously, respectfully

Here are some tips on how to tactfully approach this sensitive subject with your parents:

• Don’t go into the conversation with any expectations. You might be surprised by what your family has planned. There is a real possibility that your parents plan to spend their life savings during retirement and not leave you (and/or your siblings) anything — and that’s their prerogative! 
• Acknowledge that this might be an uncomfortable conversation, but one that you feel is important for both of you.
• Don’t talk specifics. Explain that you’re less concerned about the amount you stand to inherit and more interested in knowing how to begin your own long-term financial planning.
• A good segue into this discussion is to ask them if they have a strategy in place to carry out their wishes after they pass away. If your parents see that you’re genuinely interested in planning your own finances, they may not only share information about their will, power of attorney, insurance policies and estate-planning documents, but they may have suggestions for what you should be doing! 
• Your conversation with them doesn’t have to be a formal sit-down. It can happen naturally when you feel that the timing is right. However, if you have siblings, you may want to include them. If it will help convey to your parents that you’re doing this responsibly and with the right intentions, then have a more planned-out conversation.

With this conversation, it’s important to demonstrate that you’re serious about their financial goals and your own. But above all, show your gratitude and your respect for all that your parents have done for you — money being the least of these.

Jennifer Pagliara is a financial adviser with CapWealth Advisors LLC, and a proud member of the millennial generation. Her column, which appears every other Saturday in The Tennessean, speaks to her peers and anyone else that wants to get ahead financially.