Leaning Into My Story

Author: Hillary Stalker, CFP®

I was recently asked to share my family’s journey with CNBC Cures, a new CNBC effort focused on raising awareness for rare diseases.

Some of you reading this may not be aware that when I leave this office every evening, I go home to my husband, Atlee, and our two beautiful children, our 11-year-old son, Paxton and his 8-year-old sister, Ezra (“Ezzie”) who has a rare form of spina bifida. 

I do my best to keep my personal life separate from my professional life. Of course, I have always talked about my kids and family, but at a very high level. But sometimes I felt it was easier to not have to explain our reality, because it is quite a lot to unpack. 

As I have grown up as an advisor and a working mom, I have learned that my experiences navigating Ezzie’s medical complexities are often the reason I find so much worth in what I do. 

When Becky Quick, CNBC’s Squawk Box anchor announced the CNBC Cures effort because she was brave enough to share her journey with their daughter, it was the first time I saw a career driven woman like me, in a nationally ranked position also laying down her life’s work as a mother at the same time. It is scary. It takes vulnerability. And it empowered me to do the same. 

From the day Ezzie was born, our lives shifted. We have had to learn as we go, knowing that no day or year could ever look the same. An unexpected diagnosis is hard enough for anyone to wrap their heads around. It comes with financial complexities, insurance wars, and if you’re lucky enough, advanced medical trials that require more hoops to jump through than a circus performance. 

The isolation hurts sometimes. None of this comes with a handbook. Many times, there’s not a huge network of friends or family who you can call to ask what to do, because most people have not walked this path before you.

I worried, as a young working mother, that if I shared with people what my reality looked like at home, they would question if I was fit to do my day job. I know now, many years later, that the balancing act my family life requires is the exact reason why I excel in my work.

I can relate to clients when things don’t go perfectly. And because I have had to become an expert at pivoting in my journey as a “special needs” mom, I have the ability to walk incredibly difficult journeys alongside my clients. My experience may not be the exact same as theirs, but we can see the common thread of walking an unexpected path, and walk it together.

We don’t look for pity for the hand we are dealt. We have a perspective and opportunities that would not exist if our lives had gone a different way. It has required us to have a deep sense of humor, empathy that can only be learned once you’ve had to live through some of the experiences we have, and a way of moving through the days with gratitude for even the smallest of things. 

As a professional, advisor and CFP®, my experiences give me the opportunity to help in ways other advisors may not even know about. Frankly, the only way to know the true ins of this world is to have lived it. The special needs trusts, ABLE accounts, programs like Katie Beckett, insurance insights … and so much more. 

I get asked a lot by friends or family on how I “do it”. The answer is simple and maybe even cliché. My personal and professional lives work because I love my family and I love what I do. Our life experiences are what have shaped me into the mom, wife, daughter, sister, friend, and advisor I am today. As difficult as the road can be at times, it is the honor of a lifetime to be the mom to my babies and a trusted advisor to my clients. I wouldn’t change a thing.